it's all about the feelings

after quite awhile i've been thinking to post bout this topic for soo many times..but in the end i just forgot bout it and recreating other post..but it seems now i just wanna share what i felt deep down inside me...hehehehe sorry ya its kindda melodrama a bit..but at least i could share something with u guys..

alhamdulillah at this age there's nothing i wanna complaint about my life (actually tak patut pun kita sebagai hambaNya nak merungut..kena selalu bersyukur..),i have my family by my side...a very supporting mama n ayah..i am happy..lebih2 lagi dgn appearance aku yg sudah berhijab aku rasa kan satu ketenangan dlm daily lives aku..just..yes...i knew u could guessed it...a guy kan?heheheh..

for me part of it said yes and part of it i would think positively yang semua ni dah ditentukan oleh allah taala..sama ada cepat atau lambat kita kena sentiasa berdoa and usaha..bila cakap bab usaha ni honestly la...deep down inside me,i felt tired...exhausted..bout all this thingy...tapi aku pun macam wanita lain yg ada perasaan,nak sentiasa diberi perhatian and ada companion.bukan x usaha,yes after the previous relationship which i would call it as a disaster,i felt like i'm being too aware towards guy (which is memang la kena kan...kalo tak takkan ko nak rembat je sape2..),aku susah nak menilai sama ada apa yg lelaki ckp or luahkan kat aku tu is it honest enough or you just like other typical guy yg suka bermain dgn kata2?

after a several uncountable knewing a guy,at this point u deffinitely would guessed how i felt,tapi alhamdulillah aku kuatkan semangat cuba bukak balik hati ni nak kenal dgn lelaki2 baru...so as at now..(hopefully xnak dah la ramai2 wat pening pale je..) aku mmg kenal dgn dua lelaki ni...which has the same status..single parents..kadang2 aku pun terfikir ntah2 jodoh aku dgn duda kot hahahha...anyways aku terima asalkan bukan hak sesiapa..lagipun jodoh tu kita boleh usaha dan elakkan apa yg sepatutnya...takkan la tetibe ko kenal dgn dis one guy yang kaki minum ajak ko kawin then ko nak cakap takpela dah jodoh aku terima je..hello....itu ko yg sengal...boleh pikir and boleh elak...contohlaaa kannnn...

so for this 2 guys masing2 ada pros n cons...tapi masing2 now dan termasuk la pada aku gak hanya berkata2 dalam hati je...semua buat masa ni belum sampai tahap ke deep conversation about feelings..and of course la between this two,one of them yang aku rase lagi selesa and berdoa pada allah semoga kitorang long lasting....but it's all about the feelings....nak dapat keserasian antara dua pihak tu mungkin ade sesetengah orang tu senang,maybe dalam situation aku ni takes time sket...yelaa...dgn lelaki yang ade experience marriage failure dan aku yang terlalu berhati2 disebabkan previous relationships...so benda ni aku redha and hanya mampu doa yang terbaik dalam life ni..

sometimes aku rasa aku dah ready nak settle down but sometimes aku ade rasa takut if lelaki yg aku akan kawin nanti in future x dapat nak bahagia kan aku...coz i think my expectation towards marriage ni agak tinggi...hmmm xleh gak kan..but i dont want my kids experienced a broken family like how i felt..mintak dijauhkan la...

it is tough whenever you're 27 and you still single!hahahhahaa...

p/s:btw..they're MR. A and MR. R i would mentioned...which is which?heehehe...we'll see la nanti eh